ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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