Whod you bang
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
