you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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