at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
