It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I lost the right to judge tonight
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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