whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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