when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
