I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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