I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
