I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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