I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we made out on top of his cat.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
