yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
