first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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