the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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