why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
