i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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