sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
