I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
