I love black thongs
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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