I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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