So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
