So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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