well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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