I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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