Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
