I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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