Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
