you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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