I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
