I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
