I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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