He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
