she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
