arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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