Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
