I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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