i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
