mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
