Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
