remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
