He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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