i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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