The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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