His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
