I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
