don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
