Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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