I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
