dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
