Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
